This time it feels permanent. He came home from visiting his sister and says he's done. She told him to break up with me and he decided that's best. He moved out, but his stuff is still here for now. While that's not what I want, and not fine with me, that's ok. I decided that I'll smile, wish him a good life, and move on. Then his sister starts attacking me on social media, calling me names and just well being her. How much pain does anyone really expect me to take? I lost everything, the man I was going to marry, the life I wanted, having someone who I loved and who loved me... that's ok. Life goes on and I'll come out stronger and better than before.

Edit: Jan 19, 2019

Have my nephew tonight, we had some fun He made me laugh, but he almost made me cry. I was talking to his dad about Tim and how I just don't understand what went wrong and why no one ever seems to want to love me. His dad said "Tim seemed to love you so much, he's stupid for listening to his family." And I was crying, well let's face it when I'm alone I cry too much... so anyways Larissa gave me a hug and I felt worse for crying in front of the kids. Larissa and Jordan went home and Aiden told me out of the blue "Don't worry Danielle. I love you. I will live with you so you're not lonely. I won't be your husband, but I'll be your stepson!" I told him thank you but Daddy would miss him too much, and he said "Well I know someone will love you as much as I do, but no one will ever love you more than I do." This from a little boy who almost never hugs, almost never says "I love you."

I've been so wrapped up in all that I've lost and all that's change in the last year or so that I've been making myself totally miserable. Of course that has an impact on my relationship with my fiance Tim, on my friendships, and on pretty much every aspect of my life. I do try to be sunny and happy, but when I let the negative overwhelm me it's easier to be sad and depressed (to say the least lol). So I decided to try to change how I look at things. When I get a negative thought I say to myself "Ok, that happened. It sucked, life goes on. Now, what are 3 positive things that came from that happening?" I'll be 100% honest, finding the positive things isn't always easy, and sometimes the positive things are pretty small, but I'm finding that focusing on the positive that came from the negative, instead of on the negative itself, is making it easier for me to kind of get rid of that negative thought or to look at it in a new light. It may sound corny, it may sound stupid, but so far it's working for me. It's funny but sometime now I get so wrapped up in finding the positive that came from it that I almost (or do) forget what the negative thought was! Hopefully I can make this a permanent habit, and hopefully it continues to make me a more positive person!!